Thailand makes you realise just how incredibly shitty India really is.  It’s cleaner, the people smile, you’re not greeted in the mornings by the hordes defecating in the fields, people queue nicely, everything works and is maintained, the traffic is gentle, quiet and isn’t out to kill you. 

Our hotel in Bangkok was excellent with probably one of the biggest beds we’ve ever had.  The view from the 6th floor wasn’t exciting but at least we can have the huge balcony door open without anybody peering in at us. 

We came to Bangkok to apply for our visa to enter China on March 24th.  China is extremely pernickety about having things all confirmed.  We needed to provide copies of passport, our old visa from 4 years ago, the immigration stamp for our entry into Thailand, confirmation of flights in and out of China, hotels all booked for our month long visit, explanations for this, explanations for that, what colour underwear we’ll have on when we arrive, when is our next haircut due….you name it, they want it.  Anyway, with just one abortive journey, partly our fault and partly an extra item they demanded, we finally got it!

We’ve also been catching up on our ‘business’ things at home like pensions and properties plus final plans for our remaining 3 weeks in Thailand, our week in Laos and cancelling lots of the plans for China and made new ones that fitted our requirements better.  One of the advantages of Booking.com is that you can cancel with impunity so once we had the visa granted all the ‘hoop jumping’ was cancelled!  Of course, we also did a bit of sightseeing, shopping and generally enjoying the much more relaxed vibe of Thailand.  We took our usual trip on the river ferry which, for about £1.20 is a fantastic way to see the city on a 2hr return ticket. 

Next stop was to pastures new, Chiang Rai in Northern Thailand.  We really liked it, our room was excellent albeit a 40 minute walk to town and it had a much more relaxed feel than Bangkok.  The night market was a wonderful experience.  As well as many colourful stalls selling clothes and trinkets there was a huge food court.  It had about 250 tables surrounded by vendors offering all sorts of food and  drinks and a stage that offered free and sometimes dubious entertainment.  The show we really liked was the collection of lady boys dressed like Shirley Bassey prancing around the stage and miming to ‘boy band’ music……we just cracked up! 

Outside of the city was the White Temple, a bizarre place which may have been influenced by Gaudi.  Chalermchai Kositpipat was the architect and builder and he opened it to visitors in 1997.  It’s now one of the most visited temples in Thailand and the site also boasts a gallery of some of his paintings………even Neil enjoyed that!

We decided to take a bit of a tour to visit some places that are slightly less travelled.  Firstly, it was off to Chiang Saen which was once in the centre of the world’s production of opium.  It was as little as 20 years ago that the drug baron Kun Sa Mong surrendered.  He controlled the area known as The Golden Triangle with his private army of 20,000 armed men making this part of Thailand an absolute ‘no go area’.  The triangle is at the confluence of the Mekong and Ruak Rivers where Thailand meets Myanmar and Laos.  The CIA were here helping remove the drug barons and now it’s a major tourist attraction.  With the help of lots of money from the rest of the world the 3 nations have now turned this area into a kitschy photo opportunity with a few attractions that include a couple of Opium Museums. 

We spent 6 blissful nights here with a super room giving us the view to die for across the mighty Mekong River to Laos. The room lit up with the sunrise that we were privileged to see every morning…….absolutely breath-taking.    Watching people meditating first thing in the morning with the sun rising made this place feel very spiritual…….even Neil felt it!  The river is the life blood for so many people by providing work transporting goods, ferries and food.  The river is home to many varieties of fish including The Giant Mekong Catfish, sadly endangered, which can grow to almost 9 feet and weigh over 600lbs.

Next we decided to head to the hills…….Mae Salong in fact.  It’s about 1300m above sea level and it’s renowned for its Oolong tea plantations.  Mae Salong is not easy to get to unless you pay buckets of money for a taxi.  It was time for a bit of proper travelling, and we are flashpackers so we decided to use local transport, which we quite enjoy as it gives you a slice of local life.  It took us around 4hrs to do using a rickshaw, minibus and a songthaew to cover about 40 miles and cost us 230TBH (about £5.50).  We hadn’t expected the journey to take so long, but the local songthaew went the longest way possible round to Mae Salong, and included a 30 minute break halfway.

We had yet another room with a stunning view and four nights just enjoying the cooler air and the ‘Chinese Vibe’ that it has.  About 50/60 years ago the defeated Chinese army that had been fighting the Communists fled and settled in Thailand, Laos and Myanmar.  Mae Salong was one of the places that they settled in and Thailand granted them land and a right to settle.  The Chinese influence in the food, ambience and features of the people is extremely strong.  In fact, the place where we stayed was owned by a Chinese family who also owned tea estates and the very quirky giant tea pots and Mongolian Dogs that you can see in the photos.

We walked through the village, the plantations and also up some long winding lanes, followed by more than 700 steps, to the temple that sits on top of the hill and at night you can gaze up several hundred meters to the beautifully illuminated pagoda.  Inside the pagoda roof is a small shrine and it had lots of coins standing on their edges at the base.  We decided that we should join with this tradition and when we succeeded a local told us with delight that ‘this good luck’! 

It wasn’t until next day that we realised just how right he was!  The day after we placed our coins on the shrine and got our ‘good karma’ we were told by Yee our hotel owner that her brother was going to be going to Mae Chan to make a tea delivery on the day we were leaving.  Mae Chan is a transport hub where we could get a bus back to Chiang Saen.  He took us the short way in his very comfortable pick up, dropped us at the bus stop and 10 minutes later a bus arrived which meant that we got back to Chiang Saen in just 2hrs and at a cost of 100TBH (about £2.50)…….result! 

We’re now back in Chiang Saen with the beautiful view across The Mekong enjoying lush Thai food, cold beer and making our final plans to get to Laos and to get back to Thailand for our flight to China…….that’s coming up next!

We didn’t plan to be here at this time and, true to form, this is the hot season in S E Asia and it’s hot, hot, hot! Much of the time the temperature is around 38degs so we don’t do very much in the day. We swim in the pool early morning and late afternoon and have a choice of two beaches for long beach walks once the heat of the day starts to dissipate around 4pm. Swimming in the morning is so refreshing as the sun is still behind the hotel and the water is cool. The afternoon swim is very different. Whilst the sun has fallen behind the bungalows the water is so hot from the daytime sun that it’s like swimming in the bath. Each swim is about half a mile or 900 meters.

We also have the occasional trip via the courtesy minibus to the shopping mall in town, for lunch, massage and to top up on essentials. Most evenings it’s down to the local market for fresh supplies of fruit and salad. The fruit here is delicious and cheap, papaya, pineapple, watermelon, bananas and our favourite mangos now in season, 1kg of mango costs 60p. So ripe and juicy that you can’t help wearing it when you eat and needing a shower afterwards……gurt lush!! We’re bringing some seeds back home so hopefully Roy can get some growing in his garden.

So, what with our daily swims and weight training, (we’re using 6Ltr fresh water bottles as dumb bells!!) aided by a diet of salad and fruit, we’re living very healthily. Neil hasn’t had a beer for a couple of weeks although he has been having a little wine each evening. Final weight loss has been in excess of half a stone for both of us, about 1/3 of the target.

We’ve been having weekly traditional Thai massages as a treat. Neil’s have been quite pleasant and relaxing whereas Cheryl’s have been given by diminutive Thai ladies with hidden muscles, powerful thumbs, elbows and strength to rival Mike Tyson!

Whilst things have been getting nastier by the day with the ongoing unrest in Bangkok, life here in Hua Hin is sleepy. We’ve seen the pictures on the news but nothing actually has happened here. Our trip and from the airport keeps us well away from the centre of Bangkok so things have been fine. Things also seem to be getting closer to a settlement so coming back next winter could be on the cards again.

There was a big music festival on the beach and, just like Quy Nhon in Vietnam, the stars of the show are staying at our hotel. This time, however, the star isn’t a pretty boy but a good old fashioned Rock & Roll Band who partied before they went to the show and partied even harder after the show in the swimming pool…….made Keith Moon look like an amateur…..well…..by Thai standards.

Other entertainment includes the regular weekend events held at the hotel for local businesses, clubs and associations staying at the hotel. These are often held in the hotel garden which is a lovely place for an outdoor event. The evening ends with the ubiquitous karaoke…….always very BAD karaoke……but it keeps us very amused listening to the pitiful warbling of the punters who don’t actually appear to be having such a great time.

We’ve also had a real thunder & lightning display when we reckon about 2-3in of rain fell in around 30-40 minutes. It was incredibly heavy, the noise as the rain hammered on the roof was deafening and it was fun to watch from the relative dryness of our balcony.

Fortunately, we’ve got BBC World News so we’ve been able to keep up to speed with news and the election. It was great watching the results come in through the night, our time from about 6 a.m. onwards. The Beeb did not let us down with fabulous in depth coverage and comment. It felt like being at home with much confusion and inability to easily analyse the conflicting results. The pundits slowly came to the conclusion that we were indeed headed for a hung parliament. We’re enjoyed watching the courting threesome as they use teams of match makers to come up with a tempting dowry.

After this mornings announcement on the Beeb we would like to wish the happy couple, Davina and Nick, or is it David and Nicola, a long and fruitful relationship.

That’s it, we’re on our way home today and looking forward to catching up with children, family and friends…..see you soon.

Things are so good here we changed our original plans and decided to stay an extra few nights but there was a good reason. The local Thai Bar (there are only 2 bars on the island) was hosting a free live ska/reggae band which we could not resist. These parties don’t happen very often so we felt obliged to give them our support.

We’ve been here almost 2 weeks, haven’t seen a cloud and yet, on the night it chose to rain…yah boo sucks!! (warm rain Paul, warm rain..) Did anyone care? Naaa, not a problem. The music was not bad at all for a Thai band with dreadlocks.

Things were going really well, when disaster struck!! The generator packed up at about 10.30 p.m. the place was in darkness, the rain continued to fall and more people squashed into the tiny bar area and the pungent aroma of weed strengthened. The locals started to sing and clap to keep the party going.

All in all, a fun night but a shame for the Thai rasta owner who organised it, as we suspect he makes an entire season’s profits on the party night.

Getting back to the bungalow was a laugh. After a few cocktails we had two options, both in total darkness. First, walk the extremely rickety bridge over the Khlong (canal) and risk falling into the mud up to your neck or to wade through the khlong further along the beach. We chose, with Lisa and Gary, to wade, as it was only knee high water to get to the party. However, the tide had risen through the evening. Cheryl was up to her chin in water and the wallet containing the money had to be dried out next day. But it was funny and we did laugh so much.

There was a bonus. As we were soaked we walked through the water along the beach at high tide. The fluorescent plankton in the surf was absolutely amazing….we’ve never seen anything like it. Stars in the sea.

Other things we forgot to mention in our original blog entry.

1. Electricity arrives in the bungalow at about 18.00hrs and goes off, around 10 or 11ish with about 5 minutes notice, from the man closing up shop. He does give you a candle.
2. The resort owner makes his own wine – elegantly served up in a beer Chang bottle sealed with plastic and an elastic band.
3. Our favourite restaurant has 2 Mynah Birds that mimic the owner’s hacking cough and throat clearing plus the sound of squealing brakes of the motor bikes as they pass.
4. Sven, local German resident, had his arse bit by a scorpion the other morning. That’ll teach him not to shake his shorts out before he puts them on.
5. Nothing is done in a hurry here, food is cooked from fresh and takes time…….lots of time.
6. Neil recognised a guy on the beach. He’s been travelling quite a few years, we first met him in Goa 5 and 4 years ago and now he’s here on the island in a different resort…..small world huh!??

Sadly we are leaving our island haven and are moving on tomorrow. Ferry boat at 8am then bus from Ranong to Hat Yai – Neil is already getting excited by the prospect of 8 hours on a bus.

Life here on Koh Chang (Elephant Island) is probably what it was on most Thai islands when tourism was in its infancy. The island has no cars, a few motor bikes and two narrow concrete roads that go north south and east west. The rest of the island is just dirt trails through the cashew and rubber plantations. There is no hassle in the two mini markets or in the ‘heaving metropolis’ in the centre of the island where there are two further shops (one stocking designer ‘Prado’ flipflops!). Yes, that’s 4 shops in total on the island. Definitely no hard sell here. It is such a different place and it does take a little getting used to but the longer we’re here the more it’s getting under our skin. This is the slow pace that people often dream about but here it’s for real.

The journey here aboard the 24 seat VIP was relatively painless except that it wasn’t very comfortable nor did we get much sleep. Arriving bleary eyed in Ranong at 5 a.m. was fascinating as the town was still asleep and within 30 minutes it began to surface. Shutters opened, people began to set up tables with offerings and shortly after 6.00 a.m. the monks arrived to collect alms from the shop keepers….it was just a superb feeling watching a scruffy border town, not a tourist town, come to life.

Once on the longtail boat, we had a relaxing trip to the island. It operates like a bus, stopping at each resort allowing tourists to get off and locals to deliver important supplies of food, ice and drinks directly onto the beach. The ferry runs 3 times a day in the dry season and pretty much stops in the rainy season.

Our resort contains a UK resident, David, who arrived 10 years ago and now only goes home to renew his visa. He’s 70, knows all the gossip (for such a small island there’s lots of gossip) and even stays through the rainy season which is when most things close, most people leave the island except for a few hardened long stay Europeans and resident rubber and cashew farmers.

We’ve met some other really interesting people, Gabby from Canada and Olivia from Ireland. They met a few days ago and are travelling together via the island to Bangkok. Gabby is teaching English in Korea and Olivia is on her way home after a 12 month round the world trip. Gabby has gained our upmost respect when after a heavy night out, she had the presence of mind to throw up in her hand bag rather than the floor of a taxi…..much to the distress of her now knackered camera…hey, better than paying the clean up fine?

Hot news. Someone has had their clothes laundered and everyone is playing detective to find the owner of a pair of adult Superman Y-fronts seen hanging on the line. At the time of going to print no one is admitting liability.

Our cabin is right on the front of the resort, about 20 metres from the sea. Whilst the location is definitely 5* the cabin can only be described as having rustic charm. Wooden bungalow with easy access private bathroom, (that means no door!!). There’s a hammock on the deck that we fight over and a bed with mozzie net to make up for the gaps in the panels. It’s the ultimate in simple living. But it is home and it is quite fabulous to fall asleep at night listening to the waves…….zzzzzzzzz. Oh, and don’t forget that it costs just over £7/night!

The food here is fine and pretty cheap, and there is a large German influence here so the breakfast comes with some of the best homemade bread we’ve had since leaving the UK. There is also great fresh brewed coffee and an honesty system which means you just help yourself to beers etc and just fill in your book…….so, so civilised and trusting in 2009.

Whilst we type this in the bar the sister of the owner of the “resort” is doing some washing. She keeps singing, beautifully, and it keeps reminding us of the lady collecting water in the cartoon version of The Jungle Book…..we’re sure some of you will remember her voice. Again, as we type, the resident bar Gecko makes his “Geck-ko” call to the amusement of all here.

In summary, this is probably the nearest we’ll get to a rustic, unspoilt paradise. Life is the slowest we’ve seen on any beach we’ve been on. We thought Goa was laid back but that was “upright” compared to this place. There’s a good chance we’ll be back.

The consequences of an overindulgent summer were plain to see. We had put on weight and we needed to take action fast. We needed boot camp, but as this was Thailand, it would have to be “flip flop camp”.

We booked a long stay at a hotel with an excellent 30m pool and planned to swim twice a day, eat sensibly and cut down on the alcohol. A weekly weigh in at Market Village Shopping Mall on electronic scales which played ‘There’s No Place Like Home’ as they weighed, would track our progress.

So, six weeks later how have we done? Well, we did have a day off for Cheryl’s birthday – fry up breakfast at “Lin’s” (He’s from Blackpool, and delivered real bacon, Cumberland sausage & Tetley tea), a Swenson’s ice cream sundae and blue cheese with Ozzie white & red wine for dinner (not cheap out here but……she’s worth it!). We also shared the occasional whiskey. Neil swam approx 2km and Cheryl did about 1.5km each day.

The results, whilst not as good as we had hoped, have been successful with Cheryl slightly edging it. It is 32 degrees out here and Neil’s finding it hard to say “no” to a cold beer. Cheryl has lost a little over half a stone and Neil just a bit less. We have cut down on the swimming but are walking more now we are getting accustomed to the heat.
It was so easy to put on the weight, and it’s been tough to lose it but we have proved – It Can Be Done!.

We are both feeling better for it and will continue to stick with it throughout the trip as gradual weight loss is better than a dramatic drop. Unlike India where you can rely on Delhi Belly for assistance in weight loss, we have to rely on our own inner strength.

Hua Hin itself is not too exciting in terms of cultural things to do. It’s a great beach favoured by wealthy Bangkokians who travel down for weekends. There’s lots of flashy condos and associated eateries and shops etc. One thing about it is very different from most of Thailand, it has pavements that you can generally walk on, there’s lots of trees & greenery on the major roads and it’s fairly clean of rubbish.

It’s actually not a bad place to long stay and have plenty of variety in terms of food etc.
The pictures you see are of The Sofitel where our posh friends Mark & Sally stayed when they were rich i.e. B. C. (Before Children!!). The grounds are quite beautiful and we walked quite a bit through them pretending that we too were rich folk! Just take a look at the giant topiary of elephants etc….stunning but we’re not sure that the gardens are worth $300/night!

Today is The KIngs Birthday. It’s one of the most celebrated days in Thailand as the Thai people have a genuine love & respect for their monarch. There will be lots of things going on, parties and even a bikers ride through in Hua Hin. There’s rumoured to be around 2000 bikes, Harleys, Honda Gold Wings and more.

We move on today to an island on The Andamam Coast called Koh Chang, not to be confused with the much bigger island of the same name on the opposite coastline. Unfortunately, we have to travel by overnight bus which leaves at 11.00 p.m. It shouldn’t be too bad as it’s a VIP bus with only 24 seats which fully recline.

Our Koh Chang is small, with limited electricity even on a good day, no cars and just tracks for motor bikes to get around on. We’re really looking forward to our beach hut by the sea.

The luxury of Hua Hin ends today and the travelling to pastures new begins.

………so that’s that then, sitting in Bangkok International Airport ready to catch the flight back to blighty. What are our lowlights/Highlights? We’ll start on the lowlights so that we can finish on a high:

It’s not all been fun, there have been some low points, but not many in comparison.  The ones that deserve a mention:

1. Losing your wallet and the hassle of cancelling/renewing credit cards but on the upside not much money was lost
2. The disappointment of Laos – Luang Prabang was a lovely place which we both enjoyed, however the anticipated highlight of the trip though the cave was just too much hassle to arrange and this was compounded by the tourist inflation rate spiralling out of control.  We left well before the visa expired.
3. The Vietnamese way of life – I.e. expect noise & to be ripped off –  but the upside is we have got to grips with it , and we had some great experiences while we were there so we want to go back for a fresh start.
4. Forgetting to buy the bus ticket to Melacca in advance and having to wait for what seemed like days (well 5 hours …) in the grimiest, dank, hot, smelly s**t hole of the bus station in KL – one of the glitziest towns in SE Asia!!
5. Still feeling uneasy with the western man with younger Thai woman. Especially when there is an extreme age gap.

Now for the good stuff:

1. Amazing natural & cultural sights – Awe inspiring Halong Bay, Sukothai, Tombs, Tunnels, Wats, etc.
2. Fulfilling Neil’s dream of visiting Vietnam and walking off the plane……Neil almost choked as he walked down the steps.
3. Christmas at Zack’s and enjoying a bottle of 21 year old Chivas Regal and meeting so many lovely people
4. Daft experiences  –the filing past of locals laughing at Neil wearing his shirt as pants while getting his zip fixed in The Mekong Delta
5. Great food, food & more food – Biryani in Little India Singapore, Green curry, red curry, Tom Yum soup, curry pasties, the cheap & cheerful, wonderful food courts …..mmmm.  Beerlao – drank it & got the T-shirt!
6. Weird sights – Sculpture Park in Tha Khaek, the psychedelic lighting in Batu Caves in KL
7. The madness of HCMC and surviving crossing the road!
8. Meeting Chris and family after so many years
9. Meeting so many great people, exchanging tales … and bumping into them again!
10. With time comes healing and Neil’s urgent need for relief whilst on a slow bus is now even funny to him. The thought of a bus load of passengers watching his very undignified exhibition still makes us laugh. Neil hopes that no one has been permanently scarred by the experience!!

Finally, so you think it’s all over????……….well, think again readers.

What started off as a  6 month trip to “seize the day” has become our new lifestyle. The Corporate Bol**cks we first talked about is really over as we’ve come to the conclusion that earning buckets full of money is not all it’s cracked up to be. We’ve had so much fun on not much money and it’s not going to stop. We’re coming back to tour the UK in our caravan, catch up with friends and family and will return to S E Asia next October to start the next adventure…….wooo hooo!

It’s socially acceptable to come down for breakfast in a hotel in your pyjamas – whatever your age!

Thai people have no concept of consequences – hence no helmets on motorbikes, kids held in arms on bikes, appalling driving in general, not looking out for others before standing in the way (especially in a swimming pool when they seem to go out of their way to get into yours!)  Seriously, having spoken to a number of long stay & permanent expats, if you get injured on a motorcycle it wasn’t your fault you were driving without thinking it was those pesky spirits to blame.  In many ways this is a great way to live because you never worry about what might happen, something which prevents a lot of western people from taking any risks at all. 

At home we feel  Health & safety has gone mad with risk assessments for wiping your bottom whereas here in Thailand there  are 10 year olds riding motorbikes & food hygiene at the market which would make Clive & Karen (both environmental health officers) squirm and yet we have been eating there without any problems at all.  Sure, there is a middle ground but it is refreshing to live in a more relaxed environment and questioning your Western view of the world and what is ‘right’.  At least kids get to be kids and have a lot of freedom.

Asian Mall shuffle syndrome.  Shops, markets, malls etc, the only way to move around is generally to move at a snail’s pace and arm in arm if there are two of you so no one can get past.  Stepping out in front of someone then grinding to an immediate halt is also popular. 

There is a growing obesity problem.  The number of sumo babies, toddlers & children is shocking.  Especially compared to the incredibly slender ‘where on earth are the internal organs??’ body types.

Genuine honesty (we got very negative & untrusting following experiences in Vietnam).  For instance, Cheryl needed a hair cut so in Phitsanulok we found what looked to be a busy salon with a number of stylists in smart uniforms.  After the usual round of gestures, mimes, giggling and charades we agreed on a wash & cut but couldn’t understand what the price was, but hey how much could it be?.  The wash was head massage bliss & the cut was started by a junior and then the senior stylist (young man with very trendy haircut) took over. 

He was meticulous and produced an excellent result that Cheryl would have been very happy with at home.  Dusted off and ushered out of the salon Cheryl got the wallet out but there was no one in reception.  Gesturing with money didn’t help.  “No pay” said the stylist, “but.. but , I must pay“ said Cheryl,  “is free” said the stylist.  During Neil’s long wait (attention span of a gnat) he observed that this was a training salon, and that most of the girls were under tuition of the senior stylist.  Sunday was clearly “free cut day” for models.  We had no idea so they could have charged whatever they liked so as a thank you we went back the next day with a big box of biscuits.

Sleaze.  We met a very sad specimen in Nong Khai in an expat bar.  Tony was about 60, overweight, ruddy faced, pretty charmless, unattractive……no real redeeming features whatsoever.  He started bragging to Neil about how he always cheated on his women (yeah right) how he liked to go to girlie bars where they all knew him, and how much he could buy women for.  He was a quite disgusting specimen of the human race and clearly had no respect for anything or anyone.  As a fellow male Neil was astounded about his openness, bravado or was it a cry for help? He just doesn’t know, but thanks his lucky stars he is not a sad old git like him.

Sad.  The number of old, fat bellied, generally unattractive western men with younger Thai wives/girlfriends.  Neither of us can really understand how in the long term these relationships are supposed to survive.  He is a walking ATM for her and all of her family, and she waits on him hand and foot, as Asian wives do.  At best, they have a working arrangement, where he pays and she provides services.  At worst, he gets thoroughly ripped off by her & her family and has no life of his own, some even become ‘flying farangs” – the term used in Pattaya for supposed suicides of expats from high-rise condos.  Ok it’s great to be looked after, but Western culture is a relationship to be a partnership and to have things in common – what do these couples talk about?  (from observation most sit & eat in restaurants in total silence).  Neil commented that if he was inclined that way, and he had one of these women on his arm, he’d be walking with a spring in his step, “cor look at me“, and yet most of these men have such a hangdog expression making them look miserable…….what’s it all about!?

Eating out is a way of life and food is very cheap. Thai’s generally don’t eat out as a celebration they eat out as a matter of course, mostly quick and easy fuelling stops. It’s a grazing culture with someone eating somewhere just about all times of the day. Eat in the food court and you get a very tasty meal for £0.80. At home, in a Thai restaurant would be £8! The ambience might not be so pleasant but the ambience in a UK Thai restaurant is not worth the extra £7.20. In fact, roadside ambience, railway ambience and night market ambience sometimes have the edge!!

It’s hot here, very hot so it’s quite difficult to do too much between 11.00 and 16.00. It’s only crazy westerners that go on the beach in the heat of the day, Thais arrive on the beach about 17.00.

When it rains here boy does it rain! No grey drizzle that last for days, just rain on steroids for about 30 minutes then warm drying sunshine.

Queuing! It’s not a Thai thing.  Jump the queue, well that’s OK as there is no concept of “first come first served”.

In most of Asia it’s not acceptable to flush your toilet paper down the loo. First, you use the jet spray positioned next to the loo to hose down your bum and then you use the paper to dry off before putting it in the basket

New Year number 3 for us – Songkran in Thailand, and it’s a wet one……in fact it’s one huge water fest for all ages.  Water hoses, pistols, foam, buckets, bowls – you name it.

The best part is the hordes of pick up trucks laden with barrels of water and water chucking posses driving around the streets just having fun.  It is all good natured – and yes we did get wet.  Its just the traditional way that the Thai’s celebrate, origins are to do with washing/cleaning for a new start to the year, but as it’s the hottest time of the year it’s more of an excuse to have fun.

As you do get very wet – we didn’t take the camera out, but we do have one picture of Neil with the Songkran garland given to him by the receptionist at the hotel (she likes him…..).

Back in beach mode and sightseeing activities have all but stopped.  Instead, we have been mainly doing:

1 Exercise (about time I hear you say), to whittle off the excesses of the past few months.  Swimming twice a day for 30 mins. (approx 1km for Cheryl & 2km for Neil each day)

2 Calculating the cost of the trip.  A grand total of £7k, or about £40 per day.  We have travelled a lot, especially flights around Vietnam, so have been pleasantly surprised that it has all been so reasonable.  We also calculated that by doing long stays and travelling less this could be as little as £25 per day – in relative luxury, and sunshine of course.

3 Assessing our finances.  Including, getting to grips with SIPPs & ISAs (yawn…..but hey Cheryl was a beancounter and has to be tax efficient!!.) Current Income levels have been better than anticipated as there are winners & losers in every economic climate (thanks Bank of England for the unprecedented base rate).

4 Enjoying the benefits of the lovely hotel that has kindly given us the best value rates that we’ve ever had for taking a long stay.  In fact we have swapped the usual backpacker hostel/budget hotel standard for 4* luxury, and all for £12 per night.

5 Thinking a lot about what we do next………Needless to say we will probably be coming back as we cannot live in the UK on what is the equivalent of £12k a year for both of us….bargain!!

We’ve finally made it to the seaside for the last 5 weeks of our trip.

We’ve put all our negotiation skills to good use and bagged a very, very large room with Jacuzzi bath, TV, wifi and private balcony for 600 Baht/night (about £12!!) including a free upgrade that we weren’t expecting.

The hotel also has a fabulous pool and we’ve been in twice a day to try and get a little fitter before we come home. There is also a “fitness corner” with some “interesting” machines. We’re swimming early a.m. and late p.m. and have the pool pretty much to ourselves. You can see from the pics that the pool is between 25 and 30 meters long so we’ve been able to do some serious training…..about 500 meters a session or 1km/day.

Hua Hin has really exceeded our expectations. We anticipated lots of high rise condo’s and hotels and for it to be really busy….it’s not!!  It’s very clean, not at all Thai!!, and very well kept with an extremely long and clean beach which goes for miles and miles, All the development has been done quite tastefully and so far we think we may come back for a longer time.

There’s a shopping mall not too far away with a large Tesco Lotus where we can get some healthy foods and, in the mall, a number of eateries varying from food court pricing to top end restaurants. Alex, note the pic of the Jappy Hot Quick Restaurant including the classic plastic food display in the window. We haven’t tried it yet but we will report back after we’ve popped in for a setto.

As we’re back in beach mode we’re not doing very much other than eating wisely and trying to get lots of exercise when it’s cool. The hotel has a free shuttle bus which allows us to explore and the main road is 5 minutes walk away which us allows us to catch local buses to go further a field.

We have discovered that long stay in relative luxury can be extremely cheap so we’re using our time here to look into long term Condo rental for next winter. So far, it looks like a good quality apartment with sea view balcony, full kitchen etc can cost as little as 12,000 baht a month (£240). With the cost of daily living being so cheap here you can easily live very well, including some expensive wine, on £10,000/annum for two of you.

A return visit, following our unsuccessful attempt about 6 years ago when we chose the only day the park was closed, and  in those days we were on a tight schedule so ‘come back tomorrow’ was not an option. 

Sukhothai National Park is one of Thailand’s most impressive World Heritage sites. We explored the central section within the old city walls and there are an additional 70 sites within a 5 km radius.  This was the original capital of the first Thai kingdom and ruins date from 13th – 14th century.  The park is beautifully kept, with lawns, ponds and trees between sites. 

We had planned to bypass this region as we were worried about the soaring temperatures (38+), however, taking a tip from the locals we purchased umbrellas with silver reflective coatings and were able to promenade like Edwardian ladies under parasols!! Using the parasols and an early start to avoid the heat of the day we managed to tour the entire central section comfortably on foot and managed to cover the same sites and bump into the same people using vans, tuk tuks and bikes – losers.

The pics can’t fully capture the scale and beauty of the ruins, but we have attempted to include a selection of the best.  While we were there a film crew were taking location shots.  Finally a picture of eye candy (well, a number of fit men wearing loincloths) for Chloe! 

There’s not much here in Phitsanulok. It’s a staging post for most tourists on their way to our destination, Sukhothai. Having said that, we’ve found a small hotel which is great value, we’ve seen the second most revered Buddha in Thailand, come across the biggest outdoor aerobics class we’ve seen so far, around 200 people, witnessed flying vegetables and decided that is generally a very pleasant town with more to offer than Lonely Planet gives it credit for. On way back from Sukhothai we will stay again and discover a little more. Of course, the outstanding and free, internet connection at The Princess Green Hotel has nothing to do with that decision!!

Phitsanulok burnt to the ground in 1957 so there’s not much character about “downtown” but it is a vibrant city with a long promenade along the river. At night it comes alive with aerobics classes and people jogging. We’ve never come across a town so hell bent on staying fit!

We also saw a ridiculous activity on the promenade which made us both laugh. We’ll try and get a video and pics next time we come back. In the meantime, try and picture an outdoor restaurant, chef with large wok cooking greens on a flame engulfed hob. Got the picture? Now, picture a tourist standing on top of an old van, dressed in a hula skirt and wearing comedy breasts about 12 feet up and about 20 feet away from aforementioned chef. Tourist has a tray in hand. The next activity happens very quickly so be prepared. Chef has cooked the greens, tourist is hungry so chef turns his back on the tourist and hurls the greens over his head from the kitchen 20 feet and 12 feet up onto the tourist’s tray ……..hoorah shout the crowd and a huge round of applause follows…….plus more orders for Beer Chang!!

Wat Phra Si Ratana Mahathat (sometimes known as Wat Yai) houses a Buddha which is second only to The Emerald Buddha in Bangkok. Donations at the Wat are in excess of £250,000/year which is quite staggering when the average wage here in Thailand is less than £2k/year and there are Wats getting donations on almost every street corner. When we visited there were no other western tourists but bus loads of Thai’s come to pay homage. See the pics.

We will update this entry when we return in a few days.

Yet another change of plan. We haven’t headed for the cool of the beach we’ve headed for the heat of the north!!

Our first stop is the ancient city of Ayuthaya about 2 hours north of Bangkok. It was the Siamese capital from 1350 until 1767 and the ruins are quite amazing. In 1991 the area was designated a Unesco World Heritage Site.

We won’t give you the history as we think the pictures tell you all you need to know……..if you want the history take a look on’t tinternet.

For those of you who know Neil well, (Mark & Sally!) you’ll know that art isn’t his thing.

Neil writes, “Wow…..in four months this incredible park has been the highlight of my trip so far, it made my feel quite inadequate just like seeing the Gaudi Cathedral in Barcelona, visiting the Miro Museum and reading Roald Dahl to the kids. These men were truly inspiring to a artistic Neanderthal like me”.

Nong Khai’s most enigmatic attraction is the Sala Kaew Ku Sculpture Park. It’s a surreal sculptural journey into the mind of a mystic shaman. Built over a period of 20 years from 1975 by  Luang Pu Boun Leua Sourirat who died in 1996. The park features a weird and wonderful array of gigantic sculptures ablaze with Hindu-Buddhist imagery.

As his own story goes, Luang Pu, a Lao national, tumbled into a hole as a child, where he met an ascetic named Kaekoo. K introduced him into the manifold mysteries of the underworld and set him on course to become a Brahamanic yogi-priest-shaman (whatever that might be!).  Shaking up his own unique blend of Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, mythology and iconography, Luang Pu developed a large following in north eastern Thailand where he had moved to following the 1975 communist takeover in Laos where he had been working on a similar project. (It still exists but we didn’t visit).

The park is a real smorgasbord of bizarre cement statues of Shiva, Vishnu and Buddha and every other Hindu and Buddhist deity imaginable, as well as numerous secular figures, all supposedly cast by unskilled artists under his direction. At the entrance to the park there are two very large unfinished statues. Some of the sculptures are quite amusing, the serene and stately elephant wading through a pack of anthropomorphic (yes I did have to look this up) dogs. (see pics). The tallest sculpture, a Buddha seated on a coiled Naga with a spectacular multi-headed hood, is more than 25 metres high.  

The greatest sculpture of all is the Wheel of Life at the far end of the park. Life in Luang Pu’s view, is a cycle of influences and phases, which start at one’s conception and end at one’s death.

The Buddhist elements of heat, breath, wisdom and change are represented, as are the stages of birth, aging, suffering and death. Finally, one follows the Lord Buddha over the wall of life to nirvana.

The main shrine building is full of framed pictures of Hindu and Buddhist deities, temple donors and  Luang Pu at various ages. Some of these pictures have been “touched up” giving him a Groucho Marx heavy eyebrow style……quite bizarre. Many of his every day objects are still in the shrine, the bed that he was nursed in as he aged, his unplumbed plastic bath and his wheelchairs. His mummified body is still under a glass hemisphere and ringed by flashing lights in true Hindu style. (See pic). Disciples claim his hair still grows and must be cut once in a while!

If there is an “after life” we think that Luang Pu is up there having a beer with the likes of Gaudi, Picasso, Dali, Dahl, Miro and other artists who had big unconventional ideas and followed their dreams.

Back to Satun on another bus, same Thai pop but thankfully no videos. We planned to be back in time to go to the bank on Friday to get some Ringitts. On arrival at the very closed bank we discovered that it was a public holiday to celebrate the Kings Birthday and Fathers Day (where was my card kids??!!). So, plan B, change Thai Baht (not many left at this stage) and our emergency US$ for RM at an “authorised  money changer” which was a grubby desk at the back of a hardware shop! Cheryl found this “deliciously grungy and underhand”. But this is the way it is…..and his rate was much better than the hotels.

Later that afternoon we heard lots of noise and rushed out of the hotel to see what appeared to be the whole town in procession wearing yellow shirts and marching to several bands celebrating The Kings Birthday. See pics of many happy smiling faces.

We’ve had a great time here in Thailand  but it’s off to Langkawi Island in Malaysia tomorrow so watch this space although as it’s beachy don’t expect too much exciting news.

We travelled to Songkhla on a nice comfy air con bus with the usual Thai pop video showing the same old stuff — boy meets girl, girl meets other boy, jealousy, heartbreak sad ending and, of course, the happy ending (happy for us cos it’s finished!!!).

Eventually found what is probably the cleanest digs in Thailand. Spotless, maintained and bright and airy. Excellent value at 450 Baht. The town is on a peninsular with an estuary on one side and sea the other. As you can see some from some of the photos it was a tad damp when we arrived and all the next day it absolutely hissed down…..perfect beach weather and, yes Paul, very warm rain! Note the pics of the sad rain capes!! Neil was sporting a matching red version…how twee! Funnilly enough, every shop was selling capes and umbrellas in all shapes, colours and sizes.

A really pretty city with lots of well paved boulevards which explains why this is such a popular resort in season. We appreciated the lack of pot holes and open ditches and craters! There is very little beach side development which was refreshing. As it was out of season there were few eateries so the first night we ate at the night market in the dodgy part of town where Cheryl was pleased to observe a rat the size of a small Doberman running around collecting scraps. (He obviously thought the food was good).

The weather did pick up and we walked miles and miles (about 15-20 over the 3 days) seeing some interesting bits of scenery. The best bit was the serpent in 3 sections. The head (see photo) was at the headland where estuary meets sea. The others, middle and tail, were spread over the promenade about 2kms apart. We didn’t get pics of the middle and tail due to the previously mentioned inclement weather. We also saw a mermaid, just like Copenhagen, also viewed in the rain.

There is a pic of Neil on top of the hill overlooking the whole town which housed a Chedi. We visited it twice, once via the cable car and second time, foolishly, following up the Naga staircase not really knowing how steep a climb it was going to be. (No kids, not one of dads shortcuts, a joint decision made in error….).

We did find a stonking breakfast which sadly was in Farrangs Ville (tourist area containing, and I quote Cheryl, “fat ugly blokes looking for totty”!! Sorry Chloe, definitely not eye candy).

One morning at breakfast the ice delivery man arrived on his motorbike with sidecar. Neil thought he was a little simple because he had to think about everything he did for ages before carrying out the simplest task. Then he fell over and the girl at the restaurant explained that he was blind drunk (happens every morning!!). After delivering his ice he slowly climbed on his bike and drove off.