………so that’s that then, sitting in Bangkok International Airport ready to catch the flight back to blighty. What are our lowlights/Highlights? We’ll start on the lowlights so that we can finish on a high:

It’s not all been fun, there have been some low points, but not many in comparison.  The ones that deserve a mention:

1. Losing your wallet and the hassle of cancelling/renewing credit cards but on the upside not much money was lost
2. The disappointment of Laos – Luang Prabang was a lovely place which we both enjoyed, however the anticipated highlight of the trip though the cave was just too much hassle to arrange and this was compounded by the tourist inflation rate spiralling out of control.  We left well before the visa expired.
3. The Vietnamese way of life – I.e. expect noise & to be ripped off –  but the upside is we have got to grips with it , and we had some great experiences while we were there so we want to go back for a fresh start.
4. Forgetting to buy the bus ticket to Melacca in advance and having to wait for what seemed like days (well 5 hours …) in the grimiest, dank, hot, smelly s**t hole of the bus station in KL – one of the glitziest towns in SE Asia!!
5. Still feeling uneasy with the western man with younger Thai woman. Especially when there is an extreme age gap.

Now for the good stuff:

1. Amazing natural & cultural sights – Awe inspiring Halong Bay, Sukothai, Tombs, Tunnels, Wats, etc.
2. Fulfilling Neil’s dream of visiting Vietnam and walking off the plane……Neil almost choked as he walked down the steps.
3. Christmas at Zack’s and enjoying a bottle of 21 year old Chivas Regal and meeting so many lovely people
4. Daft experiences  –the filing past of locals laughing at Neil wearing his shirt as pants while getting his zip fixed in The Mekong Delta
5. Great food, food & more food – Biryani in Little India Singapore, Green curry, red curry, Tom Yum soup, curry pasties, the cheap & cheerful, wonderful food courts …..mmmm.  Beerlao – drank it & got the T-shirt!
6. Weird sights – Sculpture Park in Tha Khaek, the psychedelic lighting in Batu Caves in KL
7. The madness of HCMC and surviving crossing the road!
8. Meeting Chris and family after so many years
9. Meeting so many great people, exchanging tales … and bumping into them again!
10. With time comes healing and Neil’s urgent need for relief whilst on a slow bus is now even funny to him. The thought of a bus load of passengers watching his very undignified exhibition still makes us laugh. Neil hopes that no one has been permanently scarred by the experience!!

Finally, so you think it’s all over????……….well, think again readers.

What started off as a  6 month trip to “seize the day” has become our new lifestyle. The Corporate Bol**cks we first talked about is really over as we’ve come to the conclusion that earning buckets full of money is not all it’s cracked up to be. We’ve had so much fun on not much money and it’s not going to stop. We’re coming back to tour the UK in our caravan, catch up with friends and family and will return to S E Asia next October to start the next adventure…….wooo hooo!

It’s socially acceptable to come down for breakfast in a hotel in your pyjamas – whatever your age!

Thai people have no concept of consequences – hence no helmets on motorbikes, kids held in arms on bikes, appalling driving in general, not looking out for others before standing in the way (especially in a swimming pool when they seem to go out of their way to get into yours!)  Seriously, having spoken to a number of long stay & permanent expats, if you get injured on a motorcycle it wasn’t your fault you were driving without thinking it was those pesky spirits to blame.  In many ways this is a great way to live because you never worry about what might happen, something which prevents a lot of western people from taking any risks at all. 

At home we feel  Health & safety has gone mad with risk assessments for wiping your bottom whereas here in Thailand there  are 10 year olds riding motorbikes & food hygiene at the market which would make Clive & Karen (both environmental health officers) squirm and yet we have been eating there without any problems at all.  Sure, there is a middle ground but it is refreshing to live in a more relaxed environment and questioning your Western view of the world and what is ‘right’.  At least kids get to be kids and have a lot of freedom.

Asian Mall shuffle syndrome.  Shops, markets, malls etc, the only way to move around is generally to move at a snail’s pace and arm in arm if there are two of you so no one can get past.  Stepping out in front of someone then grinding to an immediate halt is also popular. 

There is a growing obesity problem.  The number of sumo babies, toddlers & children is shocking.  Especially compared to the incredibly slender ‘where on earth are the internal organs??’ body types.

Genuine honesty (we got very negative & untrusting following experiences in Vietnam).  For instance, Cheryl needed a hair cut so in Phitsanulok we found what looked to be a busy salon with a number of stylists in smart uniforms.  After the usual round of gestures, mimes, giggling and charades we agreed on a wash & cut but couldn’t understand what the price was, but hey how much could it be?.  The wash was head massage bliss & the cut was started by a junior and then the senior stylist (young man with very trendy haircut) took over. 

He was meticulous and produced an excellent result that Cheryl would have been very happy with at home.  Dusted off and ushered out of the salon Cheryl got the wallet out but there was no one in reception.  Gesturing with money didn’t help.  “No pay” said the stylist, “but.. but , I must pay“ said Cheryl,  “is free” said the stylist.  During Neil’s long wait (attention span of a gnat) he observed that this was a training salon, and that most of the girls were under tuition of the senior stylist.  Sunday was clearly “free cut day” for models.  We had no idea so they could have charged whatever they liked so as a thank you we went back the next day with a big box of biscuits.

Sleaze.  We met a very sad specimen in Nong Khai in an expat bar.  Tony was about 60, overweight, ruddy faced, pretty charmless, unattractive……no real redeeming features whatsoever.  He started bragging to Neil about how he always cheated on his women (yeah right) how he liked to go to girlie bars where they all knew him, and how much he could buy women for.  He was a quite disgusting specimen of the human race and clearly had no respect for anything or anyone.  As a fellow male Neil was astounded about his openness, bravado or was it a cry for help? He just doesn’t know, but thanks his lucky stars he is not a sad old git like him.

Sad.  The number of old, fat bellied, generally unattractive western men with younger Thai wives/girlfriends.  Neither of us can really understand how in the long term these relationships are supposed to survive.  He is a walking ATM for her and all of her family, and she waits on him hand and foot, as Asian wives do.  At best, they have a working arrangement, where he pays and she provides services.  At worst, he gets thoroughly ripped off by her & her family and has no life of his own, some even become ‘flying farangs” – the term used in Pattaya for supposed suicides of expats from high-rise condos.  Ok it’s great to be looked after, but Western culture is a relationship to be a partnership and to have things in common – what do these couples talk about?  (from observation most sit & eat in restaurants in total silence).  Neil commented that if he was inclined that way, and he had one of these women on his arm, he’d be walking with a spring in his step, “cor look at me“, and yet most of these men have such a hangdog expression making them look miserable…….what’s it all about!?

Eating out is a way of life and food is very cheap. Thai’s generally don’t eat out as a celebration they eat out as a matter of course, mostly quick and easy fuelling stops. It’s a grazing culture with someone eating somewhere just about all times of the day. Eat in the food court and you get a very tasty meal for £0.80. At home, in a Thai restaurant would be £8! The ambience might not be so pleasant but the ambience in a UK Thai restaurant is not worth the extra £7.20. In fact, roadside ambience, railway ambience and night market ambience sometimes have the edge!!

It’s hot here, very hot so it’s quite difficult to do too much between 11.00 and 16.00. It’s only crazy westerners that go on the beach in the heat of the day, Thais arrive on the beach about 17.00.

When it rains here boy does it rain! No grey drizzle that last for days, just rain on steroids for about 30 minutes then warm drying sunshine.

Queuing! It’s not a Thai thing.  Jump the queue, well that’s OK as there is no concept of “first come first served”.

In most of Asia it’s not acceptable to flush your toilet paper down the loo. First, you use the jet spray positioned next to the loo to hose down your bum and then you use the paper to dry off before putting it in the basket

New Year number 3 for us – Songkran in Thailand, and it’s a wet one……in fact it’s one huge water fest for all ages.  Water hoses, pistols, foam, buckets, bowls – you name it.

The best part is the hordes of pick up trucks laden with barrels of water and water chucking posses driving around the streets just having fun.  It is all good natured – and yes we did get wet.  Its just the traditional way that the Thai’s celebrate, origins are to do with washing/cleaning for a new start to the year, but as it’s the hottest time of the year it’s more of an excuse to have fun.

As you do get very wet – we didn’t take the camera out, but we do have one picture of Neil with the Songkran garland given to him by the receptionist at the hotel (she likes him…..).

Back in beach mode and sightseeing activities have all but stopped.  Instead, we have been mainly doing:

1 Exercise (about time I hear you say), to whittle off the excesses of the past few months.  Swimming twice a day for 30 mins. (approx 1km for Cheryl & 2km for Neil each day)

2 Calculating the cost of the trip.  A grand total of £7k, or about £40 per day.  We have travelled a lot, especially flights around Vietnam, so have been pleasantly surprised that it has all been so reasonable.  We also calculated that by doing long stays and travelling less this could be as little as £25 per day – in relative luxury, and sunshine of course.

3 Assessing our finances.  Including, getting to grips with SIPPs & ISAs (yawn…..but hey Cheryl was a beancounter and has to be tax efficient!!.) Current Income levels have been better than anticipated as there are winners & losers in every economic climate (thanks Bank of England for the unprecedented base rate).

4 Enjoying the benefits of the lovely hotel that has kindly given us the best value rates that we’ve ever had for taking a long stay.  In fact we have swapped the usual backpacker hostel/budget hotel standard for 4* luxury, and all for £12 per night.

5 Thinking a lot about what we do next………Needless to say we will probably be coming back as we cannot live in the UK on what is the equivalent of £12k a year for both of us….bargain!!

We’ve finally made it to the seaside for the last 5 weeks of our trip.

We’ve put all our negotiation skills to good use and bagged a very, very large room with Jacuzzi bath, TV, wifi and private balcony for 600 Baht/night (about £12!!) including a free upgrade that we weren’t expecting.

The hotel also has a fabulous pool and we’ve been in twice a day to try and get a little fitter before we come home. There is also a “fitness corner” with some “interesting” machines. We’re swimming early a.m. and late p.m. and have the pool pretty much to ourselves. You can see from the pics that the pool is between 25 and 30 meters long so we’ve been able to do some serious training…..about 500 meters a session or 1km/day.

Hua Hin has really exceeded our expectations. We anticipated lots of high rise condo’s and hotels and for it to be really busy….it’s not!!  It’s very clean, not at all Thai!!, and very well kept with an extremely long and clean beach which goes for miles and miles, All the development has been done quite tastefully and so far we think we may come back for a longer time.

There’s a shopping mall not too far away with a large Tesco Lotus where we can get some healthy foods and, in the mall, a number of eateries varying from food court pricing to top end restaurants. Alex, note the pic of the Jappy Hot Quick Restaurant including the classic plastic food display in the window. We haven’t tried it yet but we will report back after we’ve popped in for a setto.

As we’re back in beach mode we’re not doing very much other than eating wisely and trying to get lots of exercise when it’s cool. The hotel has a free shuttle bus which allows us to explore and the main road is 5 minutes walk away which us allows us to catch local buses to go further a field.

We have discovered that long stay in relative luxury can be extremely cheap so we’re using our time here to look into long term Condo rental for next winter. So far, it looks like a good quality apartment with sea view balcony, full kitchen etc can cost as little as 12,000 baht a month (£240). With the cost of daily living being so cheap here you can easily live very well, including some expensive wine, on £10,000/annum for two of you.

A return visit, following our unsuccessful attempt about 6 years ago when we chose the only day the park was closed, and  in those days we were on a tight schedule so ‘come back tomorrow’ was not an option. 

Sukhothai National Park is one of Thailand’s most impressive World Heritage sites. We explored the central section within the old city walls and there are an additional 70 sites within a 5 km radius.  This was the original capital of the first Thai kingdom and ruins date from 13th – 14th century.  The park is beautifully kept, with lawns, ponds and trees between sites. 

We had planned to bypass this region as we were worried about the soaring temperatures (38+), however, taking a tip from the locals we purchased umbrellas with silver reflective coatings and were able to promenade like Edwardian ladies under parasols!! Using the parasols and an early start to avoid the heat of the day we managed to tour the entire central section comfortably on foot and managed to cover the same sites and bump into the same people using vans, tuk tuks and bikes – losers.

The pics can’t fully capture the scale and beauty of the ruins, but we have attempted to include a selection of the best.  While we were there a film crew were taking location shots.  Finally a picture of eye candy (well, a number of fit men wearing loincloths) for Chloe! 

There’s not much here in Phitsanulok. It’s a staging post for most tourists on their way to our destination, Sukhothai. Having said that, we’ve found a small hotel which is great value, we’ve seen the second most revered Buddha in Thailand, come across the biggest outdoor aerobics class we’ve seen so far, around 200 people, witnessed flying vegetables and decided that is generally a very pleasant town with more to offer than Lonely Planet gives it credit for. On way back from Sukhothai we will stay again and discover a little more. Of course, the outstanding and free, internet connection at The Princess Green Hotel has nothing to do with that decision!!

Phitsanulok burnt to the ground in 1957 so there’s not much character about “downtown” but it is a vibrant city with a long promenade along the river. At night it comes alive with aerobics classes and people jogging. We’ve never come across a town so hell bent on staying fit!

We also saw a ridiculous activity on the promenade which made us both laugh. We’ll try and get a video and pics next time we come back. In the meantime, try and picture an outdoor restaurant, chef with large wok cooking greens on a flame engulfed hob. Got the picture? Now, picture a tourist standing on top of an old van, dressed in a hula skirt and wearing comedy breasts about 12 feet up and about 20 feet away from aforementioned chef. Tourist has a tray in hand. The next activity happens very quickly so be prepared. Chef has cooked the greens, tourist is hungry so chef turns his back on the tourist and hurls the greens over his head from the kitchen 20 feet and 12 feet up onto the tourist’s tray ……..hoorah shout the crowd and a huge round of applause follows…….plus more orders for Beer Chang!!

Wat Phra Si Ratana Mahathat (sometimes known as Wat Yai) houses a Buddha which is second only to The Emerald Buddha in Bangkok. Donations at the Wat are in excess of £250,000/year which is quite staggering when the average wage here in Thailand is less than £2k/year and there are Wats getting donations on almost every street corner. When we visited there were no other western tourists but bus loads of Thai’s come to pay homage. See the pics.

We will update this entry when we return in a few days.

Yet another change of plan. We haven’t headed for the cool of the beach we’ve headed for the heat of the north!!

Our first stop is the ancient city of Ayuthaya about 2 hours north of Bangkok. It was the Siamese capital from 1350 until 1767 and the ruins are quite amazing. In 1991 the area was designated a Unesco World Heritage Site.

We won’t give you the history as we think the pictures tell you all you need to know……..if you want the history take a look on’t tinternet.

For those of you who know Neil well, (Mark & Sally!) you’ll know that art isn’t his thing.

Neil writes, “Wow…..in four months this incredible park has been the highlight of my trip so far, it made my feel quite inadequate just like seeing the Gaudi Cathedral in Barcelona, visiting the Miro Museum and reading Roald Dahl to the kids. These men were truly inspiring to a artistic Neanderthal like me”.

Nong Khai’s most enigmatic attraction is the Sala Kaew Ku Sculpture Park. It’s a surreal sculptural journey into the mind of a mystic shaman. Built over a period of 20 years from 1975 by  Luang Pu Boun Leua Sourirat who died in 1996. The park features a weird and wonderful array of gigantic sculptures ablaze with Hindu-Buddhist imagery.

As his own story goes, Luang Pu, a Lao national, tumbled into a hole as a child, where he met an ascetic named Kaekoo. K introduced him into the manifold mysteries of the underworld and set him on course to become a Brahamanic yogi-priest-shaman (whatever that might be!).  Shaking up his own unique blend of Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, mythology and iconography, Luang Pu developed a large following in north eastern Thailand where he had moved to following the 1975 communist takeover in Laos where he had been working on a similar project. (It still exists but we didn’t visit).

The park is a real smorgasbord of bizarre cement statues of Shiva, Vishnu and Buddha and every other Hindu and Buddhist deity imaginable, as well as numerous secular figures, all supposedly cast by unskilled artists under his direction. At the entrance to the park there are two very large unfinished statues. Some of the sculptures are quite amusing, the serene and stately elephant wading through a pack of anthropomorphic (yes I did have to look this up) dogs. (see pics). The tallest sculpture, a Buddha seated on a coiled Naga with a spectacular multi-headed hood, is more than 25 metres high.  

The greatest sculpture of all is the Wheel of Life at the far end of the park. Life in Luang Pu’s view, is a cycle of influences and phases, which start at one’s conception and end at one’s death.

The Buddhist elements of heat, breath, wisdom and change are represented, as are the stages of birth, aging, suffering and death. Finally, one follows the Lord Buddha over the wall of life to nirvana.

The main shrine building is full of framed pictures of Hindu and Buddhist deities, temple donors and  Luang Pu at various ages. Some of these pictures have been “touched up” giving him a Groucho Marx heavy eyebrow style……quite bizarre. Many of his every day objects are still in the shrine, the bed that he was nursed in as he aged, his unplumbed plastic bath and his wheelchairs. His mummified body is still under a glass hemisphere and ringed by flashing lights in true Hindu style. (See pic). Disciples claim his hair still grows and must be cut once in a while!

If there is an “after life” we think that Luang Pu is up there having a beer with the likes of Gaudi, Picasso, Dali, Dahl, Miro and other artists who had big unconventional ideas and followed their dreams.