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So far in our travels we haven’t really felt overly challenged by being in China, despite not speaking any of the language apart from “hello” and “thanks”. Maybe it’s because we are familiar with life in Asia. We have travelled in Japan and learned to get by with gestures and smiles when you have a complete language barrier. Maybe it’s that we are just a little more relaxed in our attitude when things don’t appear to be going as you expect. We suspect that being on the tourist trail also helps as the local people we have met are used to hapless foreigners and can usually work out what is it that we want or are trying to do.

To test this theory we decided to leave our baggage in the hostel and take overnight packs for a couple of nights in the small town of Chongzuo to visit the town’s only attraction, the leaning Pagoda. We checked the train times the day before and set off in plenty of time for the train station. We were met with chaos and a seething mass of humanity in the ticketing hall, about ten queues of jostling people each about 25m long and not going anywhere fast. With almost an hour before our train departed we felt we had a reasonable chance of getting a ticket but joined separate queues just in case. Cheryl’s queue moved fairly quickly, until we realised it was due to the fact there was no ticket seller at the window and people in front had left to join another queue! The slowness of the queue, plus queue jumpers muscling in at the front, almost lead to queue rage….and suddenly a man in uniform appeared and stopped the jumpers. People were getting desperate and were pleading with those at the front to buy tickets for them.

With almost 15 mins to go, the ticket seller suddenly appeared in Cheryl’s queue……and a young girl ahead of her suddenly asked in perfect English “Do you need any help?. Cheryl did have the extract from Lonely Planet with Chongzuo in Chinese script, plus the train number and departure time written down to point to. However, the offer was accepted, and good job too as the ticket seller was reluctant to sell as there were only 7 mins left before departure. Tickets finally in hand we shouted our thanks and ran for the gate. We had to get through airline type bag scanners before finally arriving at the platform and onto the train with 2 mins to spare, phew! The whole chaotic experience was surprising as so far China has impressed us with its efficiency.

Three bum numbing hours later we were told our stop was next. We have found that when using public transport our destination is checked and we are told when to get off, which does make using transport in China pretty easy. Chongzuo is much smaller and less wealthy than Nanning but does have a small range of fairly upmarket shops and the usual good infrastructure of wide main streets. We soon discovered we were the only foreigners around and headed into town to find a bed for the night.

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After using signs and gestures we got to see a few rooms, some good, some bad and some downright grubby and decaying. We eventually returned to the first one we tried and started to check in. The girls on reception did not speak any English but we managed to agree a price, work out that there was no internet or wifi, hand over passports and finally understand that what we thought was a huge price increase at the last minute was actually a room deposit! All OK so far we thought as Cheryl’s passport was scanned, then the second girl on reception made a phone call before scanning Neil’s passport.

Suddenly the deal was off, we were no longer welcome, and our money was given back to us along with the passports. A map of the town in Chinese was produced and another hotel was circled, “this engrish” the girl said. We were totally bemused….what had gone wrong? There was no arguing with them, it was clear we had to go.

We decided to head in the direction of the circled hotel and passed another hotel on the way. The reception staff were welcoming so we checked it out and it was pretty good apart from not having wifi. We decided that if the hotel we had been sent too was no good or too expensive we would return here.

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Finally we reached the circled hotel. It was big and looked way out of our price range but we ventured in past the crowds collecting for what appeared to be a wedding party. The young man on reception spoke a little English and we checked the price, 130 Yuan (the most expensive so far but still bang on budget at £13). The room was the best we had seen, almost Hilton like in the size and layout of the room, with only the slightly grubby carpet to let it down. We went back to reception to confirm whether there was internet just as the longest set of firecrackers we have ever heard was set off for the wedding. The noise was incredible, totally deafening and continued as Neil pushed the limits of the young man’s English trying to explain about the internet. When the firecrackers eventually stopped we checked in without any problems.

After sorting out the room we went for a walk and wandered around the corner into the nearby neighbourhood. A westerner!!! Our westerner turned out to be the owner of a US style bar, after all he was from Tennessee, and so we decided to stop for a beer and a chat. Our host, Terry, was Operations Director for the local chemical company which appears to be part US owned. Hopefully, we thought, no relation to Bhopal based Union Carbide! Terry had the bar as a sideline which his Chinese wife ran whilst he was at work. He gave us lots of local information including the fact that in this town of around 0.5 million people there are now approximately 12 westerners. We had increased the number by 20%.

We explained to him what had happened over our strange hotel experience and he just smiled. It appears that the “authorities” like to keep westerners in the same location and that the call that the young girl made in the first hotel was probably to the police. They had clearly told her to send us to our chosen hotel which we have since found out is right opposite Police HQ……surprise, surprise! Either way, we weren’t bothered as our hotel was excellent for the price.

Later a couple of other westerners came into the bar, one French one American, for some drinks and overpriced familiar western food. After some tips on how to avoid dog in the food stalls we headed off for our budget priced food. What we eventually settled for was a 50/50 hit/miss. Pork with vegetables was a big hit, and the very chewy dish, which we eventually found out to be intestine, not such a winner. The green vegetables with garlic were, as usual, excellent. After another wander, some interaction with the locals to obtain water etc we headed back to our bed.

On Sunday we headed off to purchase our train ticket for tomorrow to avoid another “bun fight” on the day. No queue, no problem, so why so difficult yesterday? We then headed off to the bus station to catch the bus to Zuojiang Leaning Pagoda. It stated in Lonely Planet that you could get a local bus, number 3, but despite asking a number of bus officials we were eventually led outside and bundled into a taxi. Finding number 3 was just a tad difficult as none of the buses had numbers so we went along with the solution. The nice lady told the driver where to take us and after some sign language he confirmed that it would be no more than 20Yuan (a couple of quid!). As it turns out, it was 13Yuan so we were more than happy.

The pagoda, whilst not the most splendiferous, was very cute, plain and, as described, leaning. It was also virtually tourist free so we agreed our ferry price and headed off for the 15m journey across the river. The steps up the pagoda were very narrow and the roof very low so keeping your head down was the order of the day. A tough call for Neil with his track record but he did well…….only one minor collision which resulted in no blood……well done Nellie!

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In the pagoda we met a young couple and the girl was clearly desperate to practice her “engrish” with “hello, where you from?” She tried again and again without being able to get anything else out. Then she said, “Change money?” Cheryl worked out that she wanted to change Yuan for English money. We explained that we didn’t have any money and then Neil remembered that we had a single £1 coin. Neil handed it to her and said, “1 English pound, the same as 10 Yuan”. “Too much” she said, not realising that we had given it to her. When she finally understood that it was a gift she was clearly ecstatic. Now she could go to high school tomorrow and show her friends her coin and explain that her “engrish’ friends had given it to her. (a lot of money, albeit useless, to a Chinese teenager). Do they have “show and tell” sessions in China schools we wondered?

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After our visit we walked about a kilometre back to the main road to, hopefully, catch the number 3 bus. After a short while, 3 well dressed Chinese drove back from the pagoda in their fancy 4 x 4, crossed the main road and stopped, then gesticulated to us to get in. Assuming this was a lift and not an abduction we got in and without understanding anything that was said we eventually showed them some information from the hotel and that was exactly where they dropped us. Once again, very nice helpful Chinese that always want to assist the hapless westerner.

Before leaving our hotel we eventually worked out that that it had one or two quirky attributes. Hot water only appears after 20.00hrs and seems to last into the night but by 08.00hrs it was definitely “tepid”. “Bath” towels are not really bath towels at all but are of hand towel size. Not a major problem but it does make drying after a luke warm shower a little more complicated.

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After returning to Nanning for one night we caught the early bus to cross the border into Vietnam. What was supposed to be an 8 hour journey was actually 10 (that’s unusual……NOT!!) so we weren’t too unhappy. The border crossing was pretty uneventful, Chinese side very smooth and the utterly shambolic Vietnamese making Dad’s Army look organised.