It’s socially acceptable to come down for breakfast in a hotel in your pyjamas – whatever your age!

Thai people have no concept of consequences – hence no helmets on motorbikes, kids held in arms on bikes, appalling driving in general, not looking out for others before standing in the way (especially in a swimming pool when they seem to go out of their way to get into yours!)  Seriously, having spoken to a number of long stay & permanent expats, if you get injured on a motorcycle it wasn’t your fault you were driving without thinking it was those pesky spirits to blame.  In many ways this is a great way to live because you never worry about what might happen, something which prevents a lot of western people from taking any risks at all. 

At home we feel  Health & safety has gone mad with risk assessments for wiping your bottom whereas here in Thailand there  are 10 year olds riding motorbikes & food hygiene at the market which would make Clive & Karen (both environmental health officers) squirm and yet we have been eating there without any problems at all.  Sure, there is a middle ground but it is refreshing to live in a more relaxed environment and questioning your Western view of the world and what is ‘right’.  At least kids get to be kids and have a lot of freedom.

Asian Mall shuffle syndrome.  Shops, markets, malls etc, the only way to move around is generally to move at a snail’s pace and arm in arm if there are two of you so no one can get past.  Stepping out in front of someone then grinding to an immediate halt is also popular. 

There is a growing obesity problem.  The number of sumo babies, toddlers & children is shocking.  Especially compared to the incredibly slender ‘where on earth are the internal organs??’ body types.

Genuine honesty (we got very negative & untrusting following experiences in Vietnam).  For instance, Cheryl needed a hair cut so in Phitsanulok we found what looked to be a busy salon with a number of stylists in smart uniforms.  After the usual round of gestures, mimes, giggling and charades we agreed on a wash & cut but couldn’t understand what the price was, but hey how much could it be?.  The wash was head massage bliss & the cut was started by a junior and then the senior stylist (young man with very trendy haircut) took over. 

He was meticulous and produced an excellent result that Cheryl would have been very happy with at home.  Dusted off and ushered out of the salon Cheryl got the wallet out but there was no one in reception.  Gesturing with money didn’t help.  “No pay” said the stylist, “but.. but , I must pay“ said Cheryl,  “is free” said the stylist.  During Neil’s long wait (attention span of a gnat) he observed that this was a training salon, and that most of the girls were under tuition of the senior stylist.  Sunday was clearly “free cut day” for models.  We had no idea so they could have charged whatever they liked so as a thank you we went back the next day with a big box of biscuits.

Sleaze.  We met a very sad specimen in Nong Khai in an expat bar.  Tony was about 60, overweight, ruddy faced, pretty charmless, unattractive……no real redeeming features whatsoever.  He started bragging to Neil about how he always cheated on his women (yeah right) how he liked to go to girlie bars where they all knew him, and how much he could buy women for.  He was a quite disgusting specimen of the human race and clearly had no respect for anything or anyone.  As a fellow male Neil was astounded about his openness, bravado or was it a cry for help? He just doesn’t know, but thanks his lucky stars he is not a sad old git like him.

Sad.  The number of old, fat bellied, generally unattractive western men with younger Thai wives/girlfriends.  Neither of us can really understand how in the long term these relationships are supposed to survive.  He is a walking ATM for her and all of her family, and she waits on him hand and foot, as Asian wives do.  At best, they have a working arrangement, where he pays and she provides services.  At worst, he gets thoroughly ripped off by her & her family and has no life of his own, some even become ‘flying farangs” – the term used in Pattaya for supposed suicides of expats from high-rise condos.  Ok it’s great to be looked after, but Western culture is a relationship to be a partnership and to have things in common – what do these couples talk about?  (from observation most sit & eat in restaurants in total silence).  Neil commented that if he was inclined that way, and he had one of these women on his arm, he’d be walking with a spring in his step, “cor look at me“, and yet most of these men have such a hangdog expression making them look miserable…….what’s it all about!?

Eating out is a way of life and food is very cheap. Thai’s generally don’t eat out as a celebration they eat out as a matter of course, mostly quick and easy fuelling stops. It’s a grazing culture with someone eating somewhere just about all times of the day. Eat in the food court and you get a very tasty meal for £0.80. At home, in a Thai restaurant would be £8! The ambience might not be so pleasant but the ambience in a UK Thai restaurant is not worth the extra £7.20. In fact, roadside ambience, railway ambience and night market ambience sometimes have the edge!!

It’s hot here, very hot so it’s quite difficult to do too much between 11.00 and 16.00. It’s only crazy westerners that go on the beach in the heat of the day, Thais arrive on the beach about 17.00.

When it rains here boy does it rain! No grey drizzle that last for days, just rain on steroids for about 30 minutes then warm drying sunshine.

Queuing! It’s not a Thai thing.  Jump the queue, well that’s OK as there is no concept of “first come first served”.

In most of Asia it’s not acceptable to flush your toilet paper down the loo. First, you use the jet spray positioned next to the loo to hose down your bum and then you use the paper to dry off before putting it in the basket